The Night Before Halloween ( Haunted Refrigerator Night)

30 10 2011

Twas the night before Halloween, with all the goblins and ghosts
A time that comes but once a year, that we all dread the most
Not from Trick-or-Treaters, who will soon come and candy hoard
But what horrors will be found, behind a cold closed-door

The children were snuggled, safe and far from the room
As the parents soon faced a Stainless Steel Kenmore doom
For this evening horrors will be seen, in shadows of a 40 watt light
It’s October 30th again, and Haunted Refrigerator Night

Who knows what evil lurks, behind that carton of juice you see
Waiting in silence inside, undated Ziploc baggies
Open the ice box door and venture into the realm
Where Tupperware and Rubbermaid, rule the interior helm

The full moon from the window, flickered the room like a candle
As I slowly took a breath and I reached for the handle
Not knowing what to expect, as I opened it a crack
Saying goodbye to my family, in case I didn’t come back

With a sense of trepidation, I had to start my quest
To weed out the lost leftovers, that could give cardiopulmonary arrest
A journey into my appliance of thermally insulated abyss
To begin the ultimate game of, ” What the HELL is this?”

“Now Reynolds Wrap! now, Cellophane!, now Hefty and Glad!
Which one of you containers, which one is smelling so bad
Has the milk turned sour? Is that cheese suppose to be green lime?
In the corner last year’s eggnog, could it be past its prime?

Picking at the packages, with different volumes and weights
Looking for any clues, as I searched for sell thru dates
A slab of frozen bacon, under a shelf nice and stuck
Next to a carton of eggs, that I swear, just clucked

Some Mayo that may have been there since two years ago May
That looks more now like Crap, than by Kraft, I would say
I can’t believe it’s not butter, no truer now, when said
A green bowl of Jello that once was a lettuce head

Every shelf it seemed, had a story of its own for sure
From the experimental lab of Louis Pasteur
With all the penicillin that my crisper section did possess
I had more than my pharmacist at the local CVS

After hours of cleaning with industrial scouring pads galore
My fridge was empty, the contents lying on the floor
Yet before I could bag them for the HazMat garbage man
A strange thing occurred, that I still don’t understand

The matter before me started to take a shape and a form
As if by osmosis, life itself was being transformed
Into a familiar figure from my past, that stopped by this past June
With a name badge that read Bob in the front, and in back, the crack of his moon

He was chubby and plump, a big bone of a man
With a tool belt on his side, and cigarette in his hand
He handed me a slip a paper and said with a twist of his head
“Sorry I couldn’t find the problem. The next visit is on me instead.”

He spoke not one more word, as he walked away with his tools
As the children looked in awe and simply said, “Cool”.
The refrigerator was now empty and clean to the bone
Except for a picture of that man, that was signed….”Home,Sweet,Home”

So from that night on , my wife and I took a vow, if you will
To keep our refrigerator, clean as a whistle
But I heard Bob exclaim, as his refrigeration truck back-fired in the dawn’s light
“Happy Night Before Halloween, see you next Haunted Refrigerator Night!”

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