Twas the Night Before Christmas (Batteries Not Included)

25 12 2014

‘Twas the Night Before Christmas and all through the home
The children were asleep as I started to moan
The stockings were hung by the chimney no fear
As I opened another can from my six-pack cold beer

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
As I started a yearly task that all parents so dread
As Mama downed No-Doze and I a sugar Pfeffernüsse
It’s an all-nighter putting toys together, what a nuisance

So out came my tool box that made such a clatter
Looking for the right tool, as if it really mattered
One hammer, two screwdrivers and adjustable wrench
I thought I was already, I thought I was all set

The first toy was opened, a Radio Flyer Red Wagon
How hard could it be, my father did it for his son
When what came out the box made my Daddy eyes tear
So many nuts and bolts that made me grab another beer

As I sorted the contents of every sizes and angles
Matching them to the pictures in the instruction manuals
At first i was quiet, my wife did proclaim
But soon I was frustrated as I called out their names

“Three tire wheels! One side bar! A bent steering axle pin!
Oh, Come on! Oh, Really! I need a shot of gin?
The instructions were useless, full of falseness and cautel
I called to my wife, “Oh just bring me the whole bottle!”

As the clock on the whole blinked three forty one
I was no closer to finish as when I begun
My wife asleep on the couch and toy parts everywhere in the living room
Thinking to myself, “Christmas this year will be doomed”

And then, in a twinkling, there was a soft knock at the door
I thought “Who’s out on Christmas Morn at a quarter to four?”
As I drew back the window sash to see what could be the cause
I recognized that crazy person. It was Santa Claus

He was dressed in his winter coat, hands covered in warm mitts
As he gave me a wink holding his dented tool kit
He looked me in the eye saying three words that sounded so grand
” I was just in the neighborhood….Need a hand?”

Opening the door he stood there saying with a warm grin
“I’m in kind of of hurray. Where do we begin?”
Before I even had the chance to turn the door lock
He had put the wagon together, just like the picture on the box

The smell from his pipe filled the air with a joy
As he turned to me and said “You want to help me make some toys?”
There we both sat, me helping him and him helping me
It was a sight to see and the ultimate selfie

Before I did know it the toys were all made and wrapped
He then closed his tool kit and adjusted his red cap
“That was fun. Brings backs good memories that’s for sure.
Like the times I made your gifts that year with your father.”

Before I had a chance to reply to his strange words
He whisked out the front door bringing in the cold air….Brrr
The December chill woke my wife and to her feet
Exclaiming, “All the toys done… Great Job…. Neat.”

She went to the kitchen to get us both a hot drink
When the lights on my phone started to blink
As I read the new text from a North Pole cell site
” Happy Christmas Dear Danny. See you next Christmas Eve night!”

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