If I Had An Eye

30 01 2011

If I had Eyes ( Jack Johnson )

If I had an eye in the back of my head
Everyone would just stare at me as they walked away
Then they would find a local policeman
And have me arrested and taken away
The lesson to learn
from the story I tell
If you’re a little different, They’ll make your life a living hell

Life isn’t fun for an alien
No matter how many times you been around the sun
Of all the places in the galaxy
This is the only place not nice to me
No matter what I do or say, they always take me away

I always do no harm as I try to fit in
The way the story ends is how it begins
They look at me and think, am I a man or a girl?
But they don’t realize I’m from a different world
I think the only way to make my life not so hard
Is that I have to break down and get a green card
I guess that’s the only way
For me to stay, stay, stay

Life isn’t fun for an alien
No matter how many times you been around the sun
Of all the places in the galaxy
This is the only place not nice to me
No matter what I do or say, they always take me away

They always take me away
They always take me away
They always take me away

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Dear Santa ( I Can Explain )

17 12 2010

Dear Santa, I can explain
It all started with a carton of chow mein
When you think how it happened
I know it will give you a chuckle
You’ll laugh so hard you might burst a buckle

Half past 6 on this Christmas Eve
Minding my own business, you have to believe
Just walking in the snow with my take out Chinese
When a great big snowball hit the back of my knees

Then in slow motion, my dinner did fly in the wind
Two egg rolls, chow mein and my Kung Pao chicken
High up into the air then down to the Earth below
When it landed on a Pizza Guy, whose name was Joe

The hot entree blinded his bi focal vision
And the pizza he was carrying, it went whizzing
The delivery he held flew over the street
Where the pepperoni frisbee, a bus it did meet

The driver never saw it till it hit the windshield
Causing him to swerve as he grabbed the wheel
Trying to avoid hitting any ladies and gents
Instead he ended up on a fire hydrant

This Mass Transit Strike started the water to flow
High up in the sky and down to the street it did go
But as it came down it didn’t splatter, but clink
As it turn the whole block into an Ice Skating Rink

Everyone started to slip and spin around
And they looked like Barnum and Bailey Circus clowns
As the snow still fell on everyone’s frontal lobes
The whole place looked like a life-size Snow Globe

As Christmas music did fill the air
Everyone turned to me and gave me a stare
Instead of giving looks that could kill me on the spot
They all shook my hand and thanked me a lot

No one was hurt after my domino effect
They all were happy, instead of being upset
They said up to this point the Christmas spirit wasn’t here
But after what happened, they found the Holiday cheer

The rest of the night was festive and gay
A perfect pre celebration for Christmas Day
During the warm well wishes and seasonal hugs
I felt a small pair of hands give me a tug

I looked down and saw a little boy
Holding a Mach 3000 Snow Launcher toy
He was crying hard as his tears they did freeze
And he looked so scared, as he said to me

” I’m really sorry Mister. I made such a mess.
Who knew that one snowball could lead to all this.
When Santa finds out, I’ll be on his naughty list.
And I can probably forget about any future Birthday Wish”

He sat down in the snow and put his hands to his chin
And it reminded me when I was a boy way back when
So I joined him on the curb amongst all the holiday tidings
Thinking how I could help him on Christmas Eve, to stop crying

Then a thought had appeared like a Star of Wonder
I knew how to take care of this seasonal blunder
Taking out my cell phone, I started to text
Saying to the boy, ” I’ll take care of this mess”

“Me and Kris Kringle, ” I said, ” We have a history, him and me”
As I typed 5 little words, for the little boy to see
It brought him a smile and released all his pain
It simply read
Dear Santa, I can explain





How Can You Be So Mean and Nice ( At The Same Time )

13 11 2010

Don’t understand you baby, how can you be this way
You make my night then turn around and destroy my day
I wish you make up your mind or I might go away
How can you be so mean and nice, at the same time
Are your hormones kicking you in overdrive?
I love you baby but sometimes I really don’t know why
When I met you all the other girls couldn’t compare
Little did I know your middle name was “Beware”
Instead of games for two, you got me playing solitaire

How can you be so mean and nice, at the same time
Are your hormones kicking you in overdrive?
I love you baby but sometimes I really don’t know why

Obligatory Blues Riff Solo

I miss you so, even though you are always by my side
You got me comin’ and goin’, sometimes I just want to cry
But if I didn’t have you, I’d just want to curl up and die
How can you be so mean and nice, at the same time
Are your hormones kicking you in overdrive?
I love you baby but sometimes I really don’t know why

Obligatory Blues Riff Solo and Fade Out





Kick Back, Get Down

30 09 2010

Kick Back, Get Down Kick Back, Get Down

From Coast to Coast
And miles around
There’s one thing
That I have found
Before the beat
And you hear the sound
First You Kick Back
Then You Get Down

Kick Back, Get Down Kick Back, Get Down

Take off your shoes
And lay around
Take it slow
Then do it loud
See the beat
Feel the sound
First You Kick Back
Then You Get Down

Kick Back, Get Down Kick Back, Get Down

There is one phrase
That’s both a verb and noun
Please join me now
Shout it to the crowd
Take it slow
But do it loud
First You Kick Back
Then You Get Down





Hell No. You Lie!

3 07 2010

Hello Goodbye ( The Beatles )

If Lennon wrote a Beatles Break up song to Paul, this would be it.

Band broke up, when I left
I was the first, But you got the credit–no
You told a lie, I was first to go
Hell no, hell no
You told a lie, I was first to go
Hell no, hell no
You told a Big Paulie lie
I was first to go

You told me, don’t let them know
Then you said you left
You were the first to go
Hell No
You told a lie, I was first to go
Hell no, You lie
Hell no, You lie
You told a Big Paulie lie
I was first to go

Why, why, why, why, why, why
Did you lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
Cry, baby, cry, cry, cry, cry

Hell no
You told a lie, I was first to go
Hell no
Hell no
You told a Big Paulie lie
I say Hell no
Hell no. Hell no
You told a Big Paulie lie
I say Hell no
Hell no, Hell no





Your Daughters

2 07 2010

Daughters ( John Mayer )

I, don’t know why
I do and say all those weird things
I should shut my trap, so I don’t say crap
And stick to songs and sing

They all look at me, constantly
Wherever I go
My life is a mess, as I put to the test
People I know

So parents let me give you some advice
Something that will answer your prayers
If I ask once or even ask twice
Don’t let your daughters go out with me, John Mayer

If, you have a doubt
You should check out
Playboy and Rolling Stone
Then you will see and will believe
I should leave your daughters alone

So parents let me give you some advice
Something that will answer your prayers
If I ask once or even ask twice
Don’t let your daughters go out with me, John Mayer

Boy, I’m so insane
I don’t think everything is connected in my brain
If I were you guys
I’d hide my daughters away from these eyes
And pray I would go far, far away

On behalf of every girl
Who lives around the world
Go tell all your friends
As I say again

So parents let me give you some advice
Something that will answer your prayers
If I ask once or even ask twice
Don’t let your daughters go out with me, John Mayer





Mr Wise Guy

27 06 2010

Mr Blue Sky ( ELO )

Seems to be there is a guy
That everybody knows
When his mouth opens all the right words seem to flow
He’s so funny
All the people love him so, oh,oh

When your down he’ll pick you up
Makes sure the missing smile comes back to your face
So the world’s a better place
Mr Wise Guy make me smile, I can’t wait, heh, heh

Mr Wise Guy, be by our side
And make us laugh loud
Makes the world go round

Hey you in a bad mood
I know who can fill this room
With miles of smiles, Mr Wise Guy will take us there
Where we don’t worry about any cares

Hey there, Mister Wise
Make us laugh until we cry
Laughter is the reason why
We just don’t curl up and die

Mr Wise Guy, Mr Wise Guy
Mr Wise Guy

Mr Wise you make us laugh
And that’s what the whole world needs everyday
Someone special to chase all the blues away
Mr Wise Guy did I ever thank
Thank you for making my day

Mr Wise Guy, be by our side
And make us laugh loud
Makes the world go round

Hey there Mister Wise
Can’t live on and this is why
Laughter makes us all get by
And without you we would die
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha